Am I just kidding myself?

I was just wondering, suicide isn’t an uncommon thing. People have been doing it for a while now (geez I don’t know the entire history of the concept of suicide) and I’ve just been wondering what separates them from me. I don’t want to get into the whole “don’t jump scenario” with strangers encouraging me to “hold on” and “there’s still so much to look forward to” and blah blah blah, because ultimately, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m just pretty damn lazy to do it myself and so I’ll just drift aimlessly through life slowly rotting away in my long, unfulfilled life. That and the fact that I can’t afford a handgun. Ha. Anyway, I just wanted to shed some light on the fact that others couldn’t be saved. Were they compelled to take their own lives away? Some kind of idea of the greater good? Being a sacrificial lamb of some sort? Or were they losers? Were they incompetent and deserved to die? Why didn’t God (which I now realize there is no such thing but it’s nice to dream) feel it necessary to give a sign of hope to these people? Were they doomed to die? Am I special? By simply existing in my dead-end life, am I implying that the world has some unannounced purpose with me whereas Kurt Cobain was left with no hope and to rot because he was a loser (not saying he WAS a loser but simply by me existing, am I IMPLYING he was a loser)? C’mon, name some other well-known figures. Why weren’t they given any hope? Why were they left to die? Is there some point where you’re gone beyond salvage? You can’t even retrace your steps and extinguishing yourself is the only end? Am I foolish to think there’s hope for me. Not a very happy ending for me indeed. But why should I be entitled to one? There are no promises in this world. Nothing is sacred. Nothing is holy. Not entitled to peace, to justice, to love, to friendship. It’s all just a mess. No promise of a happy ending. Oh well. Who cares?